“I love that you do that.”
From the blank look on my face as I settled the napkin into my lap, it was clear to my friend I had no idea what she was talking about. Lauren clarified that she meant she loves that I ask our servers and bartenders for their names. It’s become so automatic I didn’t realize it was anything notable. It’s amazing what the power of a name can do.
To be fair, this is a habit I adopted from my sister, Erin. It was something she’s done for as long as I can remember, and its genesis is back in her own server days.
Side note: I firmly believe everyone should work in the restaurant industry at least once in their lives…
– Every server i’ve ever met
But Lauren’s comment got me thinking. Was asking someone for their name really that rare? Was it truly so long ago that introducing ourselves was automatic? When I thought about it, I’ve even seen some servers reluctant to tell me their name. To which I always laugh and quickly say, “I don’t want to just shout, ‘Hey you!” in case they think they’ve done something wrong within the first forty-five seconds of greeting the table.
It’s odd that when we’re ready to share deeply intimate details of our lives on the immortal internet in the time of social media, we hesitate at the act of sharing our name in person.
Our greatest desire is to be fully known and fully loved
While I can’t claim that kind of intimacy with the drivers, tour guides, or servers I engage with, I can tell you it comes from the same place. A place of wanting to reassure those people paid to help me that I know they’re a person too. A genuine wish to connect with and appreciate them. That’s the power of using a name.
If the pandemic demonstrated anything, it’s that we’re not meant to live our lives alone. Even with all the technology at our fingertips, depression ran rampant in nearly every home. I’m fortunate to live close to my family, so I could lean on them to stave off the loneliness, but it still wasn’t enough at times. I struggled to stay optimistic as lockdowns were extended and restrictions tightened more each month.
We need community and connection to survive. And the connections we make with other people determine everything from the mood we’re in to the choices we make and how we experience life.
The Crowd Emotion Amplification Effect
Think about the last time you were in an airport. Were you in a good mood, or were you stressed? How about the people you were with? Were the ticketing agents and TSA smiling at you or anxious to clear the line behind you? How about the other passengers? Now, think about what your experience could have been if those interactions were flipped.
There’s a fancy name for it noted above, but the bottom line is that other people have everything to do with our personal experiences. That basic human need for connection is hardwired in us, but it’s up to our conscious minds to reach out and make the introduction.
Who’s name have you learned today?
Scarborough Faire
Think of yourself as the fearless child you once were. The one who was blissfully unaware of what others might think of them or that they might not have the smoothest approach. The one who made new friends every day just by sitting in the next swing.
As we start to make our way back into the world, we have an opportunity to do more than get back to normal. We have the luxury to learn from the past year and commit to being more engaged in our lives. We have the chance to create connections with others.
Smile at strangers, take time to introduce yourself, and always call people by their name. What you’re really saying is, “I see you.” It’s a simple gesture that can spark fascinating conversation, more truthful recommendations, and a deeper connection to each experience.
